Birkins for us broke bitches

I'm not spending a year's worth of rent on a bag, sorry. Here's an obscene amount of alternatives.

We’ve all been told that Birkins hold their value. They are investment pieces, a modern day version of the jewelry that mothers used to pass down to their daughters as a rainy day fund. A very ostentatious rainy day fund. However, I don’t have tens of thousands of dollars to spend on a bag. If you do, more power to you. Wear that thing with pride. But, since I’m on a slightly (let’s be real, much) tighter budget, any thoughts of a Birkin or a Kelly or any sort of Hermès bag are a distant dream. Not to mention, I wear my pieces to death. My vintage Saks Gucci Jackie dupe has lost it’s lock closure, is starting to peel, and the leather could definitely use a good conditioning. But I love it and I will wear it until it is holding on by a singular thread. So, if I was ever to buy a Birkin, I doubt it would end up holding much resale value anyways. I bring a sort of “beat your shit up” attitude that I’m sure some Birkin owners don’t really like. Given the Birkin’s origin I think Jane would be proud. (I think most people know of Jane’s lived-in Birkins given the charm trend, but if you don’t, Jane used her bags. A lot. She stuffed them full and used them as diaper bags and added charms that reflected just how worldly they were - she and the bag. She was also their namesake.)

I made a meme for your enjoyment:

Me and my beat up bag at the function

Despite this, I still yearn for the classic Birkin silhouette. And to be quite honest, I don’t really care if my bag has a logo stamped on the front. The silhouette has been around for so long that hundreds of designers and craftsmen have adopted their own versions. And that is where I come in. On my quest for the perfect Birkin-esque bag, I have come across many a good option.

Please see below for a slightly unhinged selection of offerings. (59 to be exact.) And for those who prefer their offerings merchandised, I have divvied them up by category. It was also so I didn’t lose my mind dealing with this:

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First up: for the lovers of an all time classic. A black bag.

1. Mac Douglas leather travel bag

2. Vintage croc embossed bag (shop on eBay)

3. Italian leather croc bag by Tiziana

4. Faux pebble leather bag

5. Safiano vintage leather top handle bag

6. Gilli large leather bag (shop on eBay)

7. Roberta Pollini top handle bag

8. Vera Pelle leather bag (with silver hardware)

9. Black croc shoulder bag (shop on eBay) under $30!

10. Genuine ostrich leather bag (shop on eBay) (edit: here’s an alt because it looks like this one is unavailable.)

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A little sweet treat: chocolate.

1. Borgospesso Milan large brown bag (shop on eBay)

2. Made in Italy chocolate brown leather bag

3. Brown croc patent leather bag

4. Tiziana Ligator brown croc bag (shop on eBay)

5. Rossi & Caruso embossed brown bag

6. Archival Mademoiselle Non Non brown leather bag with contrast stitching

7. Vintage Clarks croc bag (shop on eBay)

8. Vintage Via Borgospesso Milan bag

9. Large weekender croc leather bag

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And now we lean into the more statement variety.

1. Via Borgospesso “Jacqueline” brown & tan bag (shop on eBay)

2. Vintage burgundy leather bag

3. JJ Jone Jones red croc bag (for $12)

4. Vintage Maurizio Tauiti cherry red bag (shop on eBay)

5. Italian croc cognac leather bag

6. Due Fratelli cognac leather bag (shop on eBay)

7. Borse In Pelle croc leather bag

8. Mocha brown suede bag

9. The perfect worn-on brown leather bag

10. Tommasini leather top handle bag

11. Via Borgospesso mustard yellow ostrich bag (shop on eBay)

12. Taupe croc leather bag (shop on eBay)

13. La Curtiembre suede & leather bag (shop on eBay)

14. Eileen Kramer emerald green bag

15. Blue ostrich leather bag

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All the Single Handles. All the Kelly girls. (sung to the tune of Single Ladies)

1. Mille Mia leather bag

2. Francesco Rogani top handle bag

3. Rowena Paris croc bag (shop on eBay)

4. Vintage top handle bag (I love the shape of this)

5. Cellerini contrast leather bag with wine strap

6. Vintage Barantini Florenza leather bag (shop on eBay)

7. Bally two-tone bag (shop on eBay)

8. Eileen Kramer brown croc bag

9. Vintage 70s brown croc bag (shop on eBay)

10. Pollini patchwork leather bag

11. SISO ostrich leather bag

12. Cognac leather bag

13. A real Hermès moment - sorry, a bit pricey. 1960s maroon leather Kelly bag (shop on eBay)

14. Franceso Rogani cherry red bag (shop on eBay)

15. Another real Hermès - for $620. PM bag in canvas/leather (shop on eBay)

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If you’re only feeling peckish: the baguette.

1. Francesco Rogani chocolate brown bag (shop on eBay)

2. Glossy Nardelli croc bag (shop on eBay)

3. Tod’s canvas bag (kind of love this for spring)

4. Tiziana Ligator Vero Cocco leather bag (shop on eBay)

5. Due Fratelli silver toned gray bag (shop on eBay)

6. Brown bag for under $20

7. Pierced & a bit distressed black leather bag

8. Hamano baby blue bag

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And finally: four more that I couldn’t decide on a category for.

1. Francesco Santoro Beverly Hills canvas & ostrich bag (another good spring option)

2. Eileen Kramer canvas & leather bag (even better for spring)

3. Escada combo leather bag

4. Glen Arthur snakeskin bag (shop on eBay)

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If you made it all the way here, please allow me to share the vintage Furla bag I just won on eBay while writing this article.

It’s definitely been loved, but I love that I don’t have to be precious with it. We’re going to have a good life together.

And that’s all for this roundup! My obsession is your gain. As always, if you find a winner, please send pics!

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