It’s Always “Continue to Checkout”, Never Continue to Check-Up
On retail therapy and embracing a curation over shopping mindset
We live in a world where everything is expensive. Therapy is expensive, and so is shopping. The cost of living is rising while our paychecks are not (or at least not at the same rate), so we spend most of our money on things like rent, bills, and groceries. By the time all of the necessary payments are made, and savings are set aside, if we even have that luxury, our expendable income is almost never enough to cover the entire list of things we want to accomplish, do, and buy. We also live a capitalist, trend driven world. More, more more, now, now now. This means we often have to pick and choose where we can spend the rest of our money. And like it or not, we tend exist in a consumerist mindset. And it’s not even fully our fault - there is a constant barrage of “deals” and a scarcity mindset shoved down our throats to buy it now! or you’ll miss out, ads pop up the second we open any device promising an improved quality of life or advancement in your field if only you look a certain way (and who doesn’t want to perceived as talented, and pretty, and cool?), and social media is as important to us as our lived in reality. Just look at influencers - that is their reality, so why not buy into it?
So, with rising living costs, the incessant bombardment of products, and a keeping up with the Joneses mindset for fear we fall behind, most of our disposable income ends up going towards clothing and products and things.
The term retail therapy has been tossed around and joked about for years. I’m sure you’ve seen TikToks telling you to “buy a little treat”. Or have a self care day. Or you’ve ended a relationship and coped by going on a shopping spree. Dr. April Benson (author of “To Buy or Not to Buy”) even calls it a “smiled upon addiction.” It has become so normalized to sooth ourselves with things. And it’s a real thing. Studies have been done and research has been conducted (if you want more in detail reads - check this and this out). Buying something new literally releases dopamine, and so we just continue to chase that high to make ourselves feel better. This is where the problem lies - as soon as we click checkout, we immediately move on to the next thing on our list because, let’s face it, there is always something else we want. We are rarely satisfied with what we have.
So, I’ve been trying to reshape my approach to shopping. The word sourcing may seem pretentious, and you may think it is reserved for stylists and curators, but aren’t we the curators of our own closet? To break it down simply, I am sourcing rather than shopping. And sourcing takes time and a vision. Over the past few months, I’ve started a list to keep track of pieces I feel I might want to add to my closet. Rather than buying immediately, I let the process happen organically. If I stumble across a piece that matches the list while vintage shopping I’ll take a step back and try to imagine it fitting in with my wardrobe. Do I have at least three outfits that immediately spring to mind that I can put together? I’ve seen a lot of people turning to apps like Whering and Indyx - while I haven’t applied this method to my own wardrobe yet, Indyx has been downloaded and I am planning on delving in to my closet as I begin my spring reset.
But I also don’t rush the process. I’ve had a vintage leather bomber jacket on my want list for probably 6 months now, and I just finally bought one. I had a specific image in my head, and rather than spend money on interim pieces I don’t love, I spent time on eBay, Poshmark, and Grailed looking for the perfect piece. It helps to see what is out there. I also found this (and here) Jeff Wan bag at a consignment store months ago. It was over $300, and I knew I could find it for cheaper. I was right (see links above). So, onto the list it went. It checked all the boxes - the perfect cognac color, top handles, a belt-buckle detail, and big enough to hold all my day-to-day stuff. I then went back to the same store months later, and the bag was still there, at 60% off. So the waiting paid off. I also waited long enough to contemplate if I actually liked the bag or if I was just excited by it in the moment. Turns out I really did love it, and I love it even more now that I have it in my regular rotation.
These are my lists. It’s pretty straightforward. I made a list in the fall, and then I also have an all-time goal list. The fall list was more of an impulse list of things I saw and immediately wanted. The longer list is pieces that I keep coming back to, wishing I had in my closet to help complete looks I already have put together. The leather jacket is repeated on both lists - I really wanted one. But the rest of that list? I’m glad I waited - I don’t really need any of those things. Yes, I still like them, but they aren’t make or break pieces.
The lists also help to avoid falling prey to trends. We’ve all done it. It’s unavoidable if you’re online at all - at least in the online world I live in. My job literally revolves around fashion so there’s no escaping the internet side of the industry. But when I first started seeing ballet flats, I held off on buying them. It may have been in spite at first - I wore them all through middle school and high school, and then they were no longer cool? I think I was just a little bit bitter seeing the trend cycle moving so quickly, and hated that I fell victim to it. I swore off standard ballet flats for years because I wanted to be a cool fashion girl. So I couldn’t go back on my word just because the rest of the world said so! (However, I couldn’t avoid my roots altogether, and I wear the slingback version of these Jimmy Choo flats all the time in warmer weather - I can’t find my exact version, but I bought them at the sample sale so they might not actually exist).
But as the world has embraced the flat again, and they have become a staple piece over the last few months, I tentatively added them to my want list. I love ballet flats. I loved them back in my teen years, and I love them still now. And after a few months, they are still on my list. So after a lot of internal back and forth on the matter of ballet flats, I think it might be time I get myself a good pair. Who knew buying ballet flats could become such a point of contention and reflection?
The point I am trying to make here is that as silly as it sounds, adding to my list is enough in the present moment to avoid making an impulse purchase. I have acknowledged the desire to own something, which is sometimes enough to satiate the craving I have for something new. So to all of you out there struggling with your purchasing, add it to your list, or your cart, or your saved items, but then take a step back and give it a few days. If you keep coming back to it, great. If you look at it again and decide you don’t really need it, also great. Either way, you’ve given yourself a bit of time to think it over and consider how it will fit into your wardrobe.
And if this isn’t enough to stop the impulse retail therapy purchasing, try adding a few of these methods:
Turn off your Apple Pay - even the extra step of pulling out your card may give you pause.
Delete your saved credit card info online - this is the same idea. The harder it is to immediately rush to checkout, the more pause it’ll give you to consider if you really want the piece.
Unsubscribe from mailing lists and promotion emails. Take away the temptation of flashy emails and big percentage discount signs.
Turn off post notifications on Instagram. Limited drops on Instagram have us clamouring to snag something before it sells out. Sometimes it’s less about the product itself and more just about the status that comes with having something no one else does. If you know you have this mindset, let yourself take a break from it.
As they say, never go to the grocery store when you are hungry. The same applies to shopping for clothing. Give yourself something else to do - do a yoga class or go for a walk or read a book or talk to a friend. After you’ve taken a break, you’ll have a better perspective on what you really want.
this is sooo good!!!!!